what to do?

i am really in a twist about what is going to happen in the next few monthes.
quitting my current job, moving from my current house.
it's all very confusing and frustrating.
no matter what happens, I have some time to turn things around and clean up my act.

and christmas too. grr! another holiday durring a personal depression.

I really should start talking to people again. I was doing well for a minute, there.

persons w/ persistent, multiple barriors

I can't even email anyone right now.
I am tired, and a little disoriented.
work is weird. there is no "official" manager there.
just this couple of pretty nice people.
and although they're new, they are very responsible.
they still don't seem to know just how "special" my needs are.
and its not their fault that they can't help me get my ppmb cheque.

I just finished a comic series I have been watching (lullaby: wisdom seeker.)
what else is good? ... um, my rent is paid. with borrowed money.

at least I have enough cash tonight to have a strong beer. I have finished the dishes. it was my night.

gotta check my downloads, much respect! booyakasha!!!

still up in the air

well, this stuff at work is still crazy.
the head guy was supposed to show.
now, he might have, i arrived HOURS late.
then left at three-thirty.

and with my appointment tomorrow, the two new guys
will be left to they're own selves again.

it bugs me. this is the first week without a manager.
if thigns don't change real quick, i'll give my notice.

back to the appointment. if all goes well, I will have my rent
and have a way to report my income more easily. and then work
the next day. hoo-ray!

I finished watching eraserhead. I was certinly a strange film.
NEVER see it for the first time high!!! i saw it straight.
and almost died. you can really see david lynch in this.
if you have seen twin peaks, you really see his shots.

i've also seen all of the first half of the tenth season
of stargate sg-1. now i have to wait for the rest of it.
by then, the canadian showing of the first half should be over.

save stargate! word, #iggaz!

blog ya' L8R...

I am so upset at what is happening at work.
I will post more, but right now, I have to de-stress.
after that, I am going to burn the place down. ;-_-

stay tuned. (@o@)

why bother

I am so tired (whine)
I only enjoy this about half the time.

well, my usual boss is out of town for a while.
the substitute bosses are kinda cool.
well there is more to it but I don't care to blog about it now.
space ghost is cool!!!!!!!

have some links!!


http://kassiuscosbysoundtrack.ytmnd.com/
Kassius Cosby Soundtrack v.1

http://vaderfortune.ytmnd.com/
Vader on Wheel of Fortune (refresh)

http://adamafatass.ytmnd.com/
Lee Adama is a Fatass (updated)
http://picard.ytmnd.com/
Picard Song

http://besteverremixytmnd.ytmnd.com/
*****FISH BISCUIT REMIX *****

http://blueballfixed.ytmnd.com/
Blue Ball Machine (Classic GIF Returned)

http://neoretard.ytmnd.com/
Neo: Messianic Retard

http://forporn.ytmnsfw.com/
The internet is for porn

http://ytmndjapan.ytmnd.com/
YTMND.co.jp

and now, a picture.

whitens and brightens

I read recently on bleachportal that episodes are now aired on wednesdays. I want to see the next ep now but, I can't do the "raw" thing. I will just have to wait till tomorrow. and i realize that bleach is already tv in canada and the states. I just don't want to start from the begining. besides, I like the voices for the english release, kinda, but I like the original, japanese cast better.

look at BP and donate to keep it going http://www.bleachportal.net/

lost

i lost my phone charger. or more acurately, one of my roommates lost it. i also lost my tablet stylus. iam sure i'll find the stylus. but i'll have to buy a new charger.

I have been late for work almost everyday this week. having no cel and no watch dosen't help much.

I still haven't emailed Darycy yet. I am such a bastard!

the cans and bottles in my room have gotten to their old levels again.
i have tomorrow off, so i can get soem work done on my room and some chores and whatever.

its hard out here for a pimp (or a blogger)

I think I have too many sites if I can't remember my blogger login information. any how this will be my first in a while so...

well, what's new is um, I won that blog contest. it was awesome!
surfware is awesome. I got the thumbdrive, the full version(Shhh! don't tell anyone)
, all with a handwritten note! so nice.

what else... I need to email people more. i am working on it.
umm... thats about it for now. my art isn't going too well.
I need to spend more time on it but I am too tired after work to think about it.
i would take time off, but I just can't. work=must, art=???

I am definately going places. just not the places i want to go.
maybe if ... nah, that'll nver work.

WE! ORLY? yarly!! XD LOL!!! L337!!

first post in the beta

well, not much to say RIGHT NOW.
I mostly wanted to finally change
to the new google accounts/ blogger beta.

lessee, credit is okay. work is ok.
art is actually doing great.
finished a piece for devon.
my cat still loves me.
my family still loves me.
my roommates still like me.
my friends still like me.
and the f-r-i-e-n-d I mentioned earlier still
likes me.

i may get my pay tomorrow.
my dell may not have an AGP slot,
but it still functions.
anyway more to come...

I finally get a chance to log in

and I can't think of a thing to write about.
ah well. i'll figure things out and update again.

the universe wants me to drink beer

with the last usable money I have(about twelve dollars,)
i as able to buy some pretty good beer. I will have to watch my
smoking; i have less than half a pack left. and I only bought it
this morning. I should use this to relax and get some work done.
as I don't have work tomorrow, this should be easy.

I should probably update some things too.

bottoms up!!

happy bc day!

well its another long weekend monday.
I wish i hadn't spent all my money on beer
and ciggarettes. i could use both right about
now. beats cleaning my room. or washing dishes.
or updating my art.

i would end the post with something like
"i wonder whats on tv" just to be funny.
but i am watching it now, as i post.
my choices are the next-gen episode
with matt frewer or the next-gen episode
where data gets angry. i no longer wonder.

nothing specific to whine about now

ok, so the bed is almost clear.
the cans, bottles and garbage are almost all gone.
and it turns out i have some form of vertigo.
well, this has been an interesting week, eh?
my tablet is working again.

i guess thats all for now.
I just cant think of any thing more.

Heat strick... en. stroked struck?

my brain feels like it is actually fried.
like some of the fluid and soft tissue have
solidified. in a living body (me) this would be quite
painful. it is.

if I feel bad tomorrow, i'll see a doctor.

remember kids, drink plenty of water!
it is good for your skin, kidneys, and your
core temperature will stay level.
and your plumber will love you for it.?

be sun smart too! lots of sunblock.
shade and hats glasses and light clothes.
and keep your server cool. or you lose customers.
whatever...

today's plan

i feel so bad. i need sleep.
i have thrown my room in to even further
disaray just to try to get it clean.
yesterday i got four garbage bags
of cans and bottles out. i got twenty bucks
for 'em.

so, clean 'till time for work. work 'till
time to go home. clean 'till bed is clear.
sleep 'till ? work the next day? my cheque comes in?
points to remember:
watch caffeine and niccotine.
drink lots 'o' water
walk when possible but rest often
somethingelse?
what a waste of a good post...

dishes

and whats with leaving a pan, but marking your name off the dish schedule?
grrr! whenever I do it i am told that it is still my day.
but i don't have the guts to say the same. grrr!

now! which card should i use in my dell(untill i get a new nid card),
the PCI or the AGP? the AGP is already for multiple monitors...
but who knows what is in my box... have to open it and see...

heres another thing why all the ... and ..., .......? does that mean anything?

iccvid.dll

getting starship titanic to run on xp is stupid!
aparrently, service pack 2 (most new boxes come with) will not
have the old version of iccvid.dll.

this sucks! apparently, the fix involves removing sp2.
well, I am in the middle of cleaning. I found the strategy guide too.
maybe i should focus on getting my seconed monitor up and working.
whatever...

file wire

is filewire down? or I have I been banned?
I upload four things. not a bit was porn.
if everything is fine, i'll keep using them.
if not i'll move on.

and where does a guy go for some free web space?
I could be cooking up the coolness right now!
and why is it I can't get flash to work?
why are taxes so high?
who ever dais that guy was funny?
why doesn't teletoon show robot chicken?
whats this funny taste in my mouth?
AND why is it SOOOOOoooo HOT!
it was up to 31 degrees in my room!
now that the sun has gone down it a cool 30!

f-r-I-e-n-d-s

I just realized I have an oprtunity to make and keep a friend and I am letting it pass me by. she is some one I knew and was friends with in grade 4(?) and we met one day at my work. we exchanged emails, and after what was for me an awkwardly long time, we had a bit of a update session. the thought of asking to meet for coffee has crossed my mind but she lives so far away. north-van, I think... she also has what seems to be a busy life. no time to nurture the socially inept. I should email her again.

when? tomorrow? no. i plan to wake late and leave for work. after could work. no. late at night is playtime. games catch up on websites blog (and practice english grammer, apparently). no time for people. let alone someone who isn't family. you see, for the most part family is stuck with you. no escape. for the most part. someone like me can be blissfully unaware that family members are trying to do nice things for me, think nice things about me or need those as well.

Well. This has been a rather long and thought full post. And hardly any thought to language or it's uses to express or convey ideas.

Perhaps it is best to "close the diary" for tonight. Or this morning.

baby's sleepy

oh. so tired. in all my efforts to move forward and to promote my self,
I find it very difficult to take the same comfort and regeneration in my playtime.
I don't get the same pleasure from my favorite games. sleep has taken turn for the different. things will get better but as I understand it, I won't stop being busy untill I retire. and as I understand it this is far off in the future. I further realize that this is normal.

taking the reigns of my life is not something I was really ... prepared for.
I assumed it would be like television. opportunities would come along a just the right time. every character in my show/life would know what to say and acting/behavior would never be a problem. I dearly wish i could sit down and script even just the next day.

I also find tiring, the changing of gears from one activity to another. as well as the thinking paterns and assumed emotional tags that go with the change. i find tiring, the promotion of my art. the participation in the process discussion. the posibilty that it is not the best thing since piccaso and isn't as ground breaking as I might spin it. I find it exhausting to keep up the discussion and time usage. it tires me to wait untill I can afford a new battery for my tablet. that I cant just get an even better tablet. the two devices I want would together total $3000.

it tires me to see how tiring it is to be. to be tired. to have a tiring disease. to know that i can't just be energetic for a while. tiring brain chemistry. lack of devotion and follow-through. tiring blog.

I have a night shift tommorrow, and I don't want it. but I know it will get me closer to my goals. I am tired of sacrifice. something I don't think I do often. or to any degree that a stranger would find admirable or even adeqaute to the task of living life of a working stiff. average joe.

I might just be tired of being me. i hope not. i think i am an interesting person. very complex and sensitive. just lazy and weird and dumb and etc.etc.
no. not tired of being me. interesting person, boring useless life

people want my product!

I have watchers!
I hope I get some bidders!
I hope my pokemon cards will sell a little better.

weirdness

I am a little weirded out now. work is going well. but i am still finding that it stresses me in a way that is hard to resolve. when i spend lots of time there, i get reall fast at things and get all the details like mopping after dishes. but I feel overworked and end up drinking more. when i spend little time there, i forget stuff but feel otherwise relaxed and time off work is spent more productively.

also money stuff keeps coming up. even if it is all good, it stresses me to think about it. i can't budget to save my life. why can't i get a personal finance person to... help... money. blah.

any way, i got my first eBay item up. i don't think it'll go for a lot. and it's a seven day auction so i still have to wait.

and this NVLD kick i've been on is kinda taking up my headspace right now. it makes me put everything else in relation to it. and it makes me feel kinda' worse about how i communicate with other people. i rarely talk to familly on the phone. i find it an excrutiating chore just to write a quick email.

gRRRR!

so, the things i am anxious about are:

money
work
mental health
everything else

had a tiring day so far, me blog better when get home, where my games is.
feel lazy. don't read any of this post. me tired. brain hurt. oog.

one more quick thing before bed

Aaron's'WebVacuum, that unique picture sucker, has a contest of sorts.
this will be my entry. I have to say that this is the only tool of this kind that I use. I love it. it is adaptable to different web structures. the free version is great! you just set it and forget it! I haven't even tried the pay/upgraded version.
get it here

http://www.surfwarelabs.com/
SurfWare Labs™

retrogade and artscad

these are the sites I post some of my artwork on.
these should be the most direct links to the galleries:

http://artscad.com/@/JesseMcbride

http://photoshop.retrogade.com/search.php?selectcat=0&srchtype=artist&term=Captain_Akhad

I would be working on more, but the battery in my stylus is dead.
why not buy a poster from my artscad portfolio and i'll have enough
money to buy another. XD

NVLD links I found.

Your Child | Non-verbal Learning Disability (NLD or NVLD)
LD OnLine :: LD In Depth
NLDline, NLD, Nonverbal learning disorder, nonverbal learning disability, nld, nvld, NVLD
Wisconsin Medical Society - Nonverbal Learning Disorder (NLD or NVLD)
Kathy Allen Article on NLD for School

I was Googling it and found these. most are aimed at parents with NLD kids.
I still found some of it useful, but have more reading to do. also got to talk
to my shrink about it.

and my back is killing me!!

Firsts!

this is my first blog type thing so...

what an adventure! what to post?

well I am learning about Nonverbal Learning Disorder.
this is one of the names for a set of symptoms that I seem to display.
as i go, you might notice how it comes out in my long drawn out expressions.
I'll put some links up in a minute.
just want to get this up first.