nothing specific to whine about now

ok, so the bed is almost clear.
the cans, bottles and garbage are almost all gone.
and it turns out i have some form of vertigo.
well, this has been an interesting week, eh?
my tablet is working again.

i guess thats all for now.
I just cant think of any thing more.

Heat strick... en. stroked struck?

my brain feels like it is actually fried.
like some of the fluid and soft tissue have
solidified. in a living body (me) this would be quite
painful. it is.

if I feel bad tomorrow, i'll see a doctor.

remember kids, drink plenty of water!
it is good for your skin, kidneys, and your
core temperature will stay level.
and your plumber will love you for it.?

be sun smart too! lots of sunblock.
shade and hats glasses and light clothes.
and keep your server cool. or you lose customers.
whatever...

today's plan

i feel so bad. i need sleep.
i have thrown my room in to even further
disaray just to try to get it clean.
yesterday i got four garbage bags
of cans and bottles out. i got twenty bucks
for 'em.

so, clean 'till time for work. work 'till
time to go home. clean 'till bed is clear.
sleep 'till ? work the next day? my cheque comes in?
points to remember:
watch caffeine and niccotine.
drink lots 'o' water
walk when possible but rest often
somethingelse?
what a waste of a good post...

dishes

and whats with leaving a pan, but marking your name off the dish schedule?
grrr! whenever I do it i am told that it is still my day.
but i don't have the guts to say the same. grrr!

now! which card should i use in my dell(untill i get a new nid card),
the PCI or the AGP? the AGP is already for multiple monitors...
but who knows what is in my box... have to open it and see...

heres another thing why all the ... and ..., .......? does that mean anything?

iccvid.dll

getting starship titanic to run on xp is stupid!
aparrently, service pack 2 (most new boxes come with) will not
have the old version of iccvid.dll.

this sucks! apparently, the fix involves removing sp2.
well, I am in the middle of cleaning. I found the strategy guide too.
maybe i should focus on getting my seconed monitor up and working.
whatever...

file wire

is filewire down? or I have I been banned?
I upload four things. not a bit was porn.
if everything is fine, i'll keep using them.
if not i'll move on.

and where does a guy go for some free web space?
I could be cooking up the coolness right now!
and why is it I can't get flash to work?
why are taxes so high?
who ever dais that guy was funny?
why doesn't teletoon show robot chicken?
whats this funny taste in my mouth?
AND why is it SOOOOOoooo HOT!
it was up to 31 degrees in my room!
now that the sun has gone down it a cool 30!

f-r-I-e-n-d-s

I just realized I have an oprtunity to make and keep a friend and I am letting it pass me by. she is some one I knew and was friends with in grade 4(?) and we met one day at my work. we exchanged emails, and after what was for me an awkwardly long time, we had a bit of a update session. the thought of asking to meet for coffee has crossed my mind but she lives so far away. north-van, I think... she also has what seems to be a busy life. no time to nurture the socially inept. I should email her again.

when? tomorrow? no. i plan to wake late and leave for work. after could work. no. late at night is playtime. games catch up on websites blog (and practice english grammer, apparently). no time for people. let alone someone who isn't family. you see, for the most part family is stuck with you. no escape. for the most part. someone like me can be blissfully unaware that family members are trying to do nice things for me, think nice things about me or need those as well.

Well. This has been a rather long and thought full post. And hardly any thought to language or it's uses to express or convey ideas.

Perhaps it is best to "close the diary" for tonight. Or this morning.

baby's sleepy

oh. so tired. in all my efforts to move forward and to promote my self,
I find it very difficult to take the same comfort and regeneration in my playtime.
I don't get the same pleasure from my favorite games. sleep has taken turn for the different. things will get better but as I understand it, I won't stop being busy untill I retire. and as I understand it this is far off in the future. I further realize that this is normal.

taking the reigns of my life is not something I was really ... prepared for.
I assumed it would be like television. opportunities would come along a just the right time. every character in my show/life would know what to say and acting/behavior would never be a problem. I dearly wish i could sit down and script even just the next day.

I also find tiring, the changing of gears from one activity to another. as well as the thinking paterns and assumed emotional tags that go with the change. i find tiring, the promotion of my art. the participation in the process discussion. the posibilty that it is not the best thing since piccaso and isn't as ground breaking as I might spin it. I find it exhausting to keep up the discussion and time usage. it tires me to wait untill I can afford a new battery for my tablet. that I cant just get an even better tablet. the two devices I want would together total $3000.

it tires me to see how tiring it is to be. to be tired. to have a tiring disease. to know that i can't just be energetic for a while. tiring brain chemistry. lack of devotion and follow-through. tiring blog.

I have a night shift tommorrow, and I don't want it. but I know it will get me closer to my goals. I am tired of sacrifice. something I don't think I do often. or to any degree that a stranger would find admirable or even adeqaute to the task of living life of a working stiff. average joe.

I might just be tired of being me. i hope not. i think i am an interesting person. very complex and sensitive. just lazy and weird and dumb and etc.etc.
no. not tired of being me. interesting person, boring useless life

people want my product!

I have watchers!
I hope I get some bidders!
I hope my pokemon cards will sell a little better.

weirdness

I am a little weirded out now. work is going well. but i am still finding that it stresses me in a way that is hard to resolve. when i spend lots of time there, i get reall fast at things and get all the details like mopping after dishes. but I feel overworked and end up drinking more. when i spend little time there, i forget stuff but feel otherwise relaxed and time off work is spent more productively.

also money stuff keeps coming up. even if it is all good, it stresses me to think about it. i can't budget to save my life. why can't i get a personal finance person to... help... money. blah.

any way, i got my first eBay item up. i don't think it'll go for a lot. and it's a seven day auction so i still have to wait.

and this NVLD kick i've been on is kinda taking up my headspace right now. it makes me put everything else in relation to it. and it makes me feel kinda' worse about how i communicate with other people. i rarely talk to familly on the phone. i find it an excrutiating chore just to write a quick email.

gRRRR!

so, the things i am anxious about are:

money
work
mental health
everything else

had a tiring day so far, me blog better when get home, where my games is.
feel lazy. don't read any of this post. me tired. brain hurt. oog.

one more quick thing before bed

Aaron's'WebVacuum, that unique picture sucker, has a contest of sorts.
this will be my entry. I have to say that this is the only tool of this kind that I use. I love it. it is adaptable to different web structures. the free version is great! you just set it and forget it! I haven't even tried the pay/upgraded version.
get it here

http://www.surfwarelabs.com/
SurfWare Labs™

retrogade and artscad

these are the sites I post some of my artwork on.
these should be the most direct links to the galleries:

http://artscad.com/@/JesseMcbride

http://photoshop.retrogade.com/search.php?selectcat=0&srchtype=artist&term=Captain_Akhad

I would be working on more, but the battery in my stylus is dead.
why not buy a poster from my artscad portfolio and i'll have enough
money to buy another. XD

NVLD links I found.

Your Child | Non-verbal Learning Disability (NLD or NVLD)
LD OnLine :: LD In Depth
NLDline, NLD, Nonverbal learning disorder, nonverbal learning disability, nld, nvld, NVLD
Wisconsin Medical Society - Nonverbal Learning Disorder (NLD or NVLD)
Kathy Allen Article on NLD for School

I was Googling it and found these. most are aimed at parents with NLD kids.
I still found some of it useful, but have more reading to do. also got to talk
to my shrink about it.

and my back is killing me!!

Firsts!

this is my first blog type thing so...

what an adventure! what to post?

well I am learning about Nonverbal Learning Disorder.
this is one of the names for a set of symptoms that I seem to display.
as i go, you might notice how it comes out in my long drawn out expressions.
I'll put some links up in a minute.
just want to get this up first.